The things we say

I was in the middle of a conversation with my wife the other night when suddenly, she came to a halt. "For ten years, you've been talking over me and labeling it as a conversation. That ends tonight," she declared firmly. My response was instinctive, following the only pattern I knew. "Look, it's a flow. You speak, I speak, and sometimes we overlap. How can I tell when you're done making your point? Relax."

Just to clarify, I'm not foolish enough to tell my wife to "Relax." This is purely for dramatic effect, aiming to capture the essence of our exchange. BUT for the point I’m about to make - I may as well have approached it that way. Let me explain further.

I once wrote an article much like this one, delving into the essence of creative culture. Its fundamental thesis?

Scotland thrives on a foundation of sharp tongues, quick wit, and thick skin, factors integral to birthing some of the world’s greatest innovations. It's possible to credit Scotland as an environmental blueprint for nurturing vibrant creativity. Embrace shedding inhibitions, speak out without hesitation, dare to boldly share ideas, and conscientiously create spaces that are respectful but not delicate.

Do I still stand by what I wrote? Absolutely. But in our continual journey of learning, there are instances where I might have slightly veered off course and missed the point. And I quote:

“Good creative culture breaks down preciousness and ego just like a Scottish high school does. Maybe that’s why we invented everything? Because passionate arguments about ideas are awesome – try it sometime”.

Big idea alert: What if our goal as mentors and leaders isn't merely to cultivate resilient individuals adept at brainstorming? What if the scope is far grander? Could the intense nature of the creative process serve as a warning sign? Might it unveil the solution to rectify every toxic business meeting you've ever endured?

Consider this: Perhaps it's not the unique ideas themselves that you're hesitant to share. Maybe it's the lack of safety in expressing your thoughts, a reluctance to reveal any part of yourself.

Now, let's dissect how someone, anyone—actually, dear reader, how you may unwittingly sabotage every meeting we attend together.

Misinterpreting the collaborative process as a competition is a common misstep. Don't be disheartened; it's a mistake we all tend to make and have made in the past. We also fail to recognize a meeting for what it is when it's most powerful. A conversation. We interrupt, monopolize discussions, and inadvertently shift the focus onto ourselves.

To be candid, this behavior aligns with textbook toxic masculinity. However, it's crucial to acknowledge that this conduct isn’t exclusive to one gender in a business setting, though males can be prominent culprits. Everyone thinks they understand the game that is being played. But many times, they don’t.

Have I secured victories in pitches or client interactions? Has my idea been selected over others throughout the years? Could it be attributed to mastering the art of interruption? Perhaps it's about wielding control within conversations. Have I managed to blur the lines enough to make you believe my idea was actually yours, or a collective brainstorm? Undoubtedly, yes.

But if I intentionally executed this strategy (and I’m not proud of it), think about those who aren't deliberate in their actions. They inadvertently disrupt everything, causing chaos. Cue the facepalm emoji.

In essence, they're striving to win a game they've fundamentally misunderstood. Business isn't governed by defined rules; there's no clear winner, but there certainly are losers if we persist in these interaction patterns. I highly recommend reading Simon Sinek’s 'Infinite Game' to grasp this concept. You can’t win the workplace.

A wise individual once cautioned me against mistaking incompetence for intent. Let's ensure our status calls, brainstorms, and briefings foster productive environments. Actually, let's prioritize this approach in every conversation we have. Jim, your 'humorous' remarks disrupt the flow; it's evident you don’t fully comprehend their impact.

With a young daughter and a son, it's imperative for them both to step into an environment where this behavior has been addressed. For my daughter, it's crucial; for my son, even more so. Shifting the focus to stand out or be the 'best' doesn't advance the greater cause. 'Best' isn't a fixed state; it's short-sighted. Striving to be 'better' implies an ongoing, collaborative journey of improvement. It encourages us to contribute our abilities and energies toward progress on this shared path. We're united in this journey, with no one at a disadvantage.

So it's true: be respectful and avoid being delicate. Call out the interrupters when you see them. It's the responsibility of the most gregarious among us to act as stewards, creating an environment where everyone can share their thoughts. If you didn't grow up in Scotland, learning to shout louder, why should your point of view be considered less worthy?

So, returning to the evening with my wife: we sat together and tuned in to a podcast focused on the art of conversation. The significant takeaway, applicable to both marriage and the workplace?

By giving someone the opportunity to speak, there’s a chance they may just show you who they are.

As you were

MrMcK.

Read: Simon Sinek’s Infinite Game, no matter what you think of him, the base concept of this work is strong. Get it from the library if you don’t want to send him your money.

Listen: To Glennon Doyle’s podcast on conversations and stop waiting for your turn to speak.